The greatest and most painful mistake of my life was speaking the truth in anger about the first person I loved in my life and the first person I felt loved by.
I spoke the truth out of anger because I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I spoke the truth out of fear this person was trying to cause me more pain.
I started writing when I was 19 and I was never able to write and express what was in my heart until this person filled it with love and hope. Until this person filled my life with light for the first time.
It is a blessing to have special people in our lives that fill our lives with love and hope. Sometimes our paths separate from those we love and care about just as they came together. Sometimes we don’t understand why, we may never understand.
When you truly love someone because of what you saw in their eyes and felt in their heart. It doesn’t matter how this person hurts you, it doesn’t matter what their intentions were. When you truly love someone you have to let go of the pain they have caused you no matter how much they have hurt you or continue to. Because nothing you do out of anger and pain to defend yourself and how you feel will make the pain go away.
The only thing that will heal the pain is to continue loving that person and walking forward. When you truly love someone nothing they do will cause you to stop loving them. Anything you do out of anger or fear will only multiply the pain. Everything that you do with love is the only thing that will heal and produce the truth.
Never act or do anything because of what you think or fear is in the hearts of others, act based upon what is in your own. The greatest testament of love is when it’s fire stays in your heart even when that person is no longer there, and dismantles your anger because all you want is to hug that person and feel the pain go away and look into their eyes and know everything will be ok.
What fuels what I write, the music that I write, is my faith and the heart that she healed. I would not be where I am right now, if it were not for her reaching down and holding my hand and pulling me out of the canyon I was dying in and giving me a hug that healed me and gave me hope for the first time in my life.
Everyday of my life I write hoping that someday I can give her a hug and tell her I love her, to tell her I was wrong, and that I am sorry for the pain that I caused her.
Even if that day never comes to pass I will always look up at the North Star as I journey through life, and know that I will love her until the day I die. I will always feel blessed that my life was touched by hers.
